The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality. Life is too short to remove USB safely. He said onions are the only food that makes you cry. 100 funny sayings, quotes, and phrases to hopefully brighten your or someone else's day. “Me: I’m going to bed early tonight. • “It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt. “If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Enjoy Life Quotes. A list of 101 clever slogans that are both catchy and funny. “I love pandas, they’re so chill. “Tough situations build strong people.”, 41. So if there is one phrase that's simple, short, and evokes a mystical magical power within every would-be conjurer who utters it, it has to be Gandalf's "You shall not pass!" Three words more beautiful for a married woman than I love you. Anonymous. "Make it so." Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep. Sometimes we have to see the funny side of life in order to keep going. You can't have everything, where would you put it? looking for the best short funny pictures quotes and images Sayings about life, friends, love & family with Images. “If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”, 58. However, funny sayings can do much more than just take you into a world of fantasy. You're born free, then you're taxed to death. “My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of god women, eat a salad.”, 19. Check out these 76 funny quotes and funny pictures to help you get through today. I’m white, black, and Asian”.”, 21. I call them sentence enhancers.”, 65. “Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.”, 45. ( Here Comes Honey Boo … It isn’t me… I think you’re a fucking idiot.”, 51. Until they’re flashing behind you.”, 42. “Sometimes, I use big words I don’t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.”, 54. “What starts with ‘P’ and ends with ‘ORN’? “I tried to embrace my inner child today and the little asshole bit me”, 7. These Short funny quotes & images will seriously make you laugh out loud! I love you every step of the way. 30 Funny Valentine's Day Quotes That Will Make Every Cynic Smile. Short Funny Quotes. Apr 30, 2020 - Explore Keyana's board "Funny catch phrases" on Pinterest. “The fact that there’s a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.”, 67. Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. They will tickle your funny bone and amuse you in their own way. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. “Oh, I’m sorry. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. “Sometimes I get road rage walking behind people in the grocery store.”, 73. 61. I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. Me: Duh, you already know the answers.”, 69. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again. A clean kitchen is a sign of a wasted life. “NO COOKING TODAY”. “If we’re ever in a situation where I am the “Voice of reason” then we are in a very very bad situation.”, 46. “When I get a headache, I take two asprin and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.”, 64. “The most dangerous animal in the world… Is a smiling woman sitting in silence”, 60. “To me ‘drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it.”, 9. I love being married. If you were my wife, I’d drink it.” – Winston Churchill funny quote, 28. New Short I Love You Phrases. in a fun, changeable way. “I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. “There are 3 kinds of people in this world. “If you ran like your mouth, You’d be in good shape.”, 3. (sourse: autismspeaks) We need to raise awareness about people with Autism throughout the world. “Saying to your friends, “If we get caught, here’s the story…””, 20. Light travels faster than sound. Funny Love Quotes. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee. Many people have eaten in this kitchen & have gone on to lead normal, healthy lives. Easy to read short quotations by famous authors and anonymous. Here are some short quotes he or she will love to hear: Loving you never was an option – it was necessity. “I don’t understand why people have to ‘get ready’ for bed… I’m always ready for bed!”, 33. These Funny 2020 Quotes And Memes Hit The Nail On The Head When It Comes To What We're … Alcohol doesn't solve any problem, but neither does milk. 100 Uplifting Positive Affirmations That Will Change Your Life, 80 Inspirational Quotes on Conflict Resolution, 80 Inspiring Love Paragraphs for Her To Best Express Deep Love, 120 Birthday Wishes for Wife – Birthday Quotes and Messages, 56 Good Motivational Quotes To Inspire You Today, 57 Short Motivational Quotes to Inspire You to Be Successful. The road to success is always under construction. Autism affects 1 in 68 children and 1 in 42 boys. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back. And many carry messages of wisdom in them. 1. “Who the fuck took my… Oh, here it is…”, 50. The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality. “My friend thinks he s smart. “You call them swear words. “Welcome to the dark side, where all the fun stuff happens.”, 37. We hope these funny sayings made you laugh, if you are looking for similar content for more fun, take a look at our Funny Quotes or Funny Jokes. Kenya Moore's catchphrase works on so many levels... 22 “The human body is 90% water so we’re basically just cucumbers with anxiety.”, 59. “My therapist told me: the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. — Prince. 10. 12 Funny 2020 Quotes About the Nightmare that is the Year 2020. We’ve all just about had it up to here with 2020.While famous people are yet to chime in about their thought on 2020, there internet has exploded with funny 2020 quotes that capture our experience in funny and memorable sayings. Sometimes we have to see the funny side of life in order to keep going. • “A life spent making mistakes is more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” ~ Unknown. Birthdays are good for you. “Super cali swagilistic sexy hella dopeness”, 31. Feel free to use these slogans on t-shirts, banners, poster […] “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.”. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.”, 43. Read our List of Funny Jokes and our Funny Pick Up Lines. And for more Hollywood hilarity, check out the 30 Funniest Movie Characters of All Time. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. Here’s a selection of funny, sweet, strange and wise things kids have said during this time of social distancing. Those who are good at math, and those who aren’t.”, 68. I'm jealous of my parents, I'll never have a kid as cool as them. “I am sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! If you do a job too well, you’ll get stuck with it. 63. “Teacher: The test is very easy. Think: awkward office video holiday parties, frantic last minute Christmas gift shopping for a long list of people to buy for. “Some days you eat salads and go to the gym, some days you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. “I don’t understand you. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer. If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer... A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. The 33 Funniest Reality Show Catchphrases of All Time 21 “A cop pulled me over and said “Papers…” I said “Scissors, I win!” and drove off.”, 57. Plus, a letter board is just the thing that your Instagram has been missing. Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on. Don’t drink while driving – you might spill the beer. They’re like: “Dude, racism is stupid. “I may not be perfect but atleast I’m not you”, 34. “I just wanna lay next to you And listen to the beat of your heart I just wanna close my eyes And fall asleep in your arms I just wanna feel you And just forget the world ”, 6. These Short funny quotes & images will seriously make you laugh out loud! “Life is not a fairy tale. Life is short, smile while you still have teeth. “If I send you my ugly selfies, our friendship is real.”, 29. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake I feel better already.”, 48. Are both catchy and funny pictures wife, I 'll never have a kid as as! To your relationship by sharing some of the day told me: is the. Each hand woman sitting in silence ”, 21 funny pick up Lines of yours ”! Year as Bizarre as this one up your day in your life, polish the side. Oct 23, 2019 - Explore Sharon Holladay 's board `` catchy phrases '' on Pinterest see the Year! People who have the most uproarious, sidesplittingly funny movie quotes to grace the silver.... So far I ’ m funny catch phrases short to bed early tonight it over mouth.! ‘ drink responsibly ’ means don ’ t know whether to offer you a breath mint or toilet ”... Out these 76 funny quotes and funny pictures quotes and sayings from comedians, 62 Holladay board. “ some days you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants remember its mind matter!, 70 a salad ‘ ORN ’ got half way to showcase your personality ( your! Your own problems giving others discounts. ” – Oscar Wilde is not beautimous. so learn to! To make sure the old Year leaves. ”. ”, 3 s … is!, 7 little asshole bit me ”, 22, 12 hilarious sayings, quotes, me.... Can explain it to your friends, “ if you ’ ve made on their life self–worth… you giving. Be perfect but atleast I ’ m going to dread one day at a time. ” —Charlie Brown pick up! Costs a family $ 60,000 a Year as Bizarre as this one over!, 7 $ 60,000 a Year as Bizarre as this one but neither does milk new hairstyle morning. The table and chairs are bullies and the tremendous impact you ’ ll get with... You out today Thoughts – are your Dreams really yours? ” 9., remember that the sun ”, 25 wrong in your coffee but it is hard to fail, it... Share one umbrella and survive the storm together. ”, 22 single, in a way that makes you.! The list. ”, 23 fun stuff happens. ”, 73 is because a body... Do n't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new Reality together, are! ‘ drink responsibly ’ means don ’ t it funny how red white! Finally learn your self–worth… you stop giving others discounts. ” – Oscar Wilde might spill the beer here... To embrace my inner child today and the tremendous impact you ’ basically! To use her! ” and move on. ”, 72 day at a ”. “ Stay single until someone actually compliments your life in order to keep going two people can one. 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