She helps herself to all of the food, alcohol, whatever she wants because she acts entitled. he's been sitting in his room for months, watching TV, smoking up, texting, being moody, defensive.While we buy 300$ groceries every week (we are 3, my son, my husband and I..and the dog). Yesyes. OMG I can't believe how much I vented, I have know clue what to do, and my husband 65 now still working so hard doesn't either. So much more..Anyone have any helpful suggestions???? If she threatens to move back into an abusive relationship, just let her know that you don't want to see that, but that she is a big girl and that's her choice, but also let her know that it wouldn't be the best for the baby, but again she's a big girl and it's her life. I am also paying the car note along with insurance which I am a cosigner. Pounding the pavement still works. tacs1 course high school MENU . his permit, let alone his driver's license. You can find more information on setting boundaries with your son in the next article in this series. You can take FMLA leave to care for a spouse, child or parent but not to take care of a parent-in-law, sibling, grandparent, aunt, uncle or other relative. My daughter and her husband has taken 3 days trips andI kept my grandkids(ages 5months-12yrs old) taking them to school. Certainly not perfect but definitely invested. If your son currently has his needs met without working, then its not likely that he will be motivated to find a job and provide for, himself. My boyfriend expects me to worship the ground he walks on. Oh, and our only grand child lives a thousand miles away, as she got in the way of my step daughters' partying lifestyle. :-(. Even a request to spend the night before leaving for her bio family was a ruse to get into the house and leave only upon getting dragged out by Police. To me 800 is a deposit on a flat, its driving lessons, its half my fees for the first year of my masters. compensation: 1st time Surrogate compensation starts at $50,000 + $1200 screening bonus (1st $200 within 24 hours of program acceptance)!Experienced surrogates earn more! In the meantime, I encourage you to focus on yourself, and your, interests. I have provided support to the best of my abilities when they were growing up, but all they want to do is point out the parental shortcomings of my wife and I when we try to get them to do better. I am just so ticked off and angry that I needed to vent, and none of this even begins to truly cover how crappy my house has become both litteraly and figuratively. This is damaging our relationship to no end. He refused point blank to attend medical appointments to get his liver seen to or attend AA. He was surrounded and held by his wife and loving family as he took his last breaths and passed on into the next life to be with his parents and . the population don't like their job. Throwing good mone after bad, now we will live pay check to paycheck on our society security because of the monies we've used on them. Same for laundry. Theres hope.. With more hands to help, everyone has more time to rest and relax. She will threaten not being able to see your grand child, but she knows that that is not fair and may even prevent you from seeing the child for a time, but she will also know that she is hurting the child as well, and you will see the child again. If there are things you need to work on with yourself, then take responsibility and do it. I cant afford to emigrate either. She can't live with her mother because her mother is homeless too. We have supplied her with a vehicle insurance gas and food and her and her childs' needs. Those are my fears. After living under a parent's protective shelter for almost two decades, most people can't wait to move on. Go get a job, any job; clean shitters and walk the neighborhood cats. Youre only a failure if youre living with your parents and not trying to fix your situation. His or her gross income for 2014 must be no more than $3,950. Books that teach you things. Meet TNT. She doesn't take care of any of her belongings, and everything that she has ends up broken or lost or filthy, then she will take to taking my belongings (without asking) and doing the same thing to my stuff. When the Guilt PIN doesnt work, she uses the Fear PIN. I do not understand why her dad feels the need to save her all the time other than because of her babies. It is single-minded and deliberate. He came back to my home around 12 midnight , with the police to get his things because according to him "I was unpredictable" and could hurt him. Truthfully it would destroy our marriage and at 27 he shouldn't be at home anyway. she has taking intermittent college classes for the past 3 years and probably has freshman credits. It's how most of you live, and you're not a failure. Buying a lighter frame will make the ride home much more manageable. to access your Personal Parenting Plan. Now six months later I'm the object of the harassing emails and texts again from my sister who got her out of jail as well as my daughter who wants money again. Yesterday, I told him that he has one year to get a job because when his lease is up in August of 2017, I will not be paying for rent anymore. Are you working - even if its as a barista at Starbucks? For example, your One Thing is not to make a million dollars. Here are his behaviors: manipulation(turned my daughter's friends against her by telling them he's a good christian and God is changing him} Lying, using me to take him places, pitting my self against any one of my other children, playing the innocent, or sick one. Last time we refused to cosign for an apartment for her, so that was 2 months of silence. I never even had a girlfriend either and I tried getting one for the first time a while back and she led me on said she liked me and what not, then once she knew how fucking lame I was and my situationShe dropped me just like that, never even talked to me again or even looked at me the couple other times I have seen her around. Once he doesn't get his way, he become verbally abuse screaming beautiful term of endearments from a to z. As a result, theyre afraid to stop supporting him financially or ask him to leave. Hes just extremely dependent at the age of 22. Backtalk complaints arguments attitude just plain ignoring you. Our bus transportation budget never runs over $40 dollars a month. His biological father, my first ex, is probably turning in his grave that his hard earned cash has been exhausted in this way with no tangible benefit. She does, however, have money for clothes, cigarettes, and alcohol. Few stay around for long, as one by one they learn what they are dealing with. Best of luck to you and don't let this destroy your life. All that has happened was totally foreseeable. We have told him that it doesn't matter what your major is at this point, but that you graduate. You cant say much to him without him getting upset or mad. There is help out there. Stretch. He is on social assistance. He came home. She loves her child as I also do very much but I am at wits end. You might find some helpful information in James Lehmans article series on adult children. keeps. As an oppositional and defiant teenager, TNT attacks his parents every day with the Intimidation PIN. For assistance locating counselors, and other supports in your, 1-800-273-6222. and our I guess what Im saying is its the principle. directs all anger at me and still I am at crossroads as I have been very good to them and my man is falling back into catering and allowing him to get his way he is a ex vet and has post traumatic stress he scares me and keeps my man doing for him and refuses to take himself to get help so he uses his kids and it's just hell his mom is not a person. If those doors ever become your own. If you have no problem taking advantage of my generosity, what will it be like behind closed doors with my daughter? Please be sure to write back and let us know how things. I have worked my entire adult life (since the legal age of 16), and excelled in every job. Something to keep in mind is that people do not tend to, change until they are uncomfortable. He argues with me all of thre time and calls me an idiot, mentally ill and any other vile comments he can. You don't have to provide him a place to stay if he is making choices you disagree with. If you decide to allow her to remain in your home, I encourage you to https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/ground-rules-for-living-with-an-adult-child-plus-free-living-agreement/which outlines your expectations for her behavior while she is staying with you, and how she will be held accountable if she isnt following your rules. His son always runs to him and exaggerates whatever story is if a cousin has said something to him and his father defends him and states that everyone hates his son. refused to take his anti depressants because theres NOTHING TO DRINK i have water juice ice tea and 3 types of koolade in fridge. Some . It seems my mother and I needed each other and it is a good situation for both. 5. My husband is not the father of either child and he puts up with it. first time she has ever been to jail for anything and she has to wait Talking with one of her friends I find out she has been on drugs off and on for a few years. I dont know what to do. Will I be enabling her if I try to post bail, should I give her an ultimatum, or let her sit and think about it? Get your FREE Personal Parenting Plan today. Now if she gets stopped because she failed to pay the insurance that's on her. can see my marriage is going to end and I am devastated. I cook, clean, repair, fund, purchase, blah, blah, blah. Very abrasive in the way he speaks to people (mostly his family) in an attempt to protect himself from not taking shit off of anyone. My husband and I do not own a car for several reasons: My family didnt need a car. I dont have money for a car either so I cant drive to another city so it limits my prospects severely. You can find those articles here: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/ages-and-stages/adult-children/. The limits that you have set with, your son about discontinuing your financial support after August 2017 sound, reasonable. I appreciate there might be lists of other factors, but shouldnt we try to offer them medical help? im 58 with colon cancer. I have no goals either, not that I am not motivated person, just I seem to have no interest in anything no matter how hard and long I try and think of something.Nothing seems to interest me, which is also upsetting. I questioned the friend and he said yes he did. Everything I attempt turns into a dead end. req. She has had a series of stays with friends and bio family that all ended ugly and unfortunate. If they try to argue or compromise, just let them know that they should have worked out something with you long before and that this will be better for everyone in the long run, which it will, as now they will be responsible for themselves and can now become independent, and you will be free of this obligation. When and if my son recovers and is discharged from hospital, he will have nowhere to live and very little money. How tge Hell did we become the generation that constantly helps our grown up children way more than we should. But I will refuse to endanger my life sanity and finances yet again for my son. There are plenty of people who move back in with their parents after college, but DO something about it shortly after (I will probably end up like this. Me an no car, no job living with parents, mentally ill and any other vile comments he can Intimidation.... 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